Day Five

Fear is a strange thing and it had such a control over me, I really did think that I was going mad. It felt similar to when you have had too much to drink and the room would spin around. I felt like there was two parts to my personality the rational side and just plain old me. When I would feel like i could not cope with the fear of the unknown, my survivor side would talk me down. It would be easy to have a multiple personality disorder and i had to hold on so tight to my sanity that i felt out of my depth. I could never sleep as my head was going at a 100mph. I had assumed that i would not be getting out of this situation alive and it was just a matter of time before i would no longer be needed. Statistically, in most of hostage situations, the hostage never survives, i was just being kept alive until someone made the decision that i had become null and void. The waiting game is a hard game to play and this is what i was having trouble doing. I had been left on my own without any interaction and i knew that this would only last for so long.


The door finally opened and I looked at my kidnapper straight in the eye, I was done with feeling so desperate and I now had a 'gung ho' kind of attitude. If this was my time to die than there was nothing I could do about it. As scared as I was and there are no words that could describe just how much, I was fed up with this. Before he had a chance to speak, I heard my voice. Strong and confident I said, 'Why am i here?'. I think that he was as shocked as I was but he did not answer. 'My wrists are bleeding and I am in pain' I said, 'I am on a roll' I thought. He looked up at me and laughed, this was not the reaction I was hoping for, I don't know how much was in my head but I felt like he was saying, that is nothing to how much pain you are going to be in. He glanced at my wrists and left the room, locking the door behind me. 'That went well' I thought. I heard the footsteps, 72 to be exact, go in the opposite direction. I am amazed about how your other senses kick in, I knew that blind people's senses are so finely tuned, it was like being superhuman. The footsteps stopped and became louder and louder as they approached. I thought that he had time to think about what I had said and was not happy about it. My heart was thumping and as the door openend I flinched as he threw something at me. He slammed the door angrily and I looked down to see what he had thrown at me. It was a plaster. 'Funny', I thought, 'very funny.' How lucky he was to have a sense of humour, something that at the moment I was being deprived of. I sighed to myself at the thought of more hours spent worrying about how many hours I had left. Every time I thought about my husband and children I pushed the memories out of my head as the mere thought made tears instantly appear. I am sure that I have physically cried oceans of tears and I don't think I had many more left in me. The footsteps returned and amazingly my heart didn't feel as if it was going to jump out of my chest. I waited until they grew closer and anticipated the door opening. The same kidnapper was at the door, he had a bottle of water, tissues and a bandage in his hands. He threw them on my lap and reached into his pocket and took out a pocket knife. My breathing became fast and panic spread through my body. I tried to calm down as I did not want him to think that I was scared. He came closer towards me and pulled my arms out in front of me. He struggled to find somewhere to cut the cable ties that were so tight around my wrists that it was hard to see where the cable tie started and my skin finished. The pain was colossal and I felt the colour drain from my face. My breathing started to get faster and faster and I felt sure that I was going to faint. I fell back into the chair and I had no control of my head as it fell back against the wall. I willed myself to wake up and I sat up in the chair and concentrated on slowing down my breathing. Whilst I struggled to remain conscious my kidnapper had cut off the cable ties and was walking out of the room. I looked at the back of him and made an effort to remember what he looked like but all I could think about was the blackness that soon engulfed me.